Im still angry at a certain family member and I really don't think that can be fixed, and I know that I was wrong for taking it out on Mum by disowning her too. But I think I was just so angry at her for not taking control of the situation, I just wanted her to realise how serious I was about my grievance with this family member.
The problem is I am so stubborn at times and Mum hasn't phone me and I havn't phoned her.
I can really dig my heels in when I want to. Then things tend to spiral out of control and get left too long to make things up again.
Tomorrow, September 11th as millions of people mourn the loss of their loved ones in the American attack 9 years ago, my family mourn my Dad who died 11th September 1996.
As every year that passes and I watch the footage of 9/11 and listen to the last desperate phone calls of these people it send cold shivers up and down my spine.
Im sure their families would give anything to spend another week with them and heres me, wasted a week literally cutting my nose off to spite my face.
My thoughts on posting on the blog havn't changed, I do think its a good thing. It isnt really about mum and her illness anymore although it is what instigated the blog, but its more how we are all affected by it, physically, mentally and emotionally. Especially me, as it is my writing after all.
Its about my attitude to the situation and to life (and death) itself, sorting out my own head and setting out my own emotional needs and helping me work out my priorities in life, which of course, I think the moment I became a mother, my whole attitude to life shifted dramatically.
I believe through cancer support sites and listening to friends views on the blog, that it is important to continue.
I cant be verbally trashed by a family member for writing this blog as what I say on here comes from my heart.
Words from the heart shouldn't be stiffled or censored.
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