Taking its Toll

Its now been 4 weeks since I spoke to Mum.

I understand that this radiotherapy on her brain has really taken a toll on her.

I have been told that she is very lethargic and that her hair will never grow back as they have zapped her full head with the radio waves.

Her cough seems to have come back and is feeling a bit sick,

What I was reading was that when you have radiotherapy on the base of the brain this stimulates the areas that makes you feel sick.

After talking with someone about the blog last week, I decided that as a last attempt at getting through to mum to print it all off - in order - and made it like a book, I put it all in a folder and gave it to my sibling to give to her. I wrote a note to say - read it ALL

When I was printing it off and putting it all together in the folder, my eyes caught a glimpse of a paragraph that choked me.

Maybe if she read it she will understand what exactly it is doing to us all and this not talking to me now is getting silly.

Yesterday I was going to go and see her but now all thats in the back of my head is the 'note' saying "stay away from me"

What if I went and was greeted with the same sentiment? If that were to happen then there really would be no going back from that, I think.

Rejection from a parent? How the hell are you meant to cope with that?

I have been told that when she is feeling a bit better she will come and see me, but I also think, what if she doesn't feel any better this time?

What if this is the start of the gradual decline in her health? So one of us has got to put a stop to all this.