Don't let me see

'How bad is it?'

'Hope she has got her hat on'

' I don't want to see that just now, I need to go to work'

'What if she hasn't got her hat on? Will I cry? Will she cry? I cant cry, not right now, I don't have the time to get all upset, I'm going to be late for work'

All thoughts that were racing through my head this morning, while I was driving to mums to sort out her T.V before I had to go to work.

Now I see it all written down, looks a bit selfish, all to do with MY reaction, but so what, I'm entitled to my feelings too arn't I?

Mums hair has been really falling out now, just when clothes touch her, or brushing it.

Last night she decided to wash her hair. I know that when she spoke to my sister she still had the towel on her head and was too frightened to look.

So when I was told this morning to go and sort out her t.v on my way to work, I was so worried, I didn't know what I was going to walk into.

Luckily when I got there, she had her hat on. I will see what's left of her hair maybe later today, but for now, this morning I need to be in control of my emotions.

I don't know how I'm meant to react. Am I meant to just glance and pretend like nothing is out of the ordinary or agree with her how bad it is or try and be positive with her that its better to be bald than dead right now?

When I saw mum yesterday we took her some hats we had found in a charity shop, we got all 3 bargain at just £1 each. Happy days! :)

Just something she can slip on without trying to arrange her wig.

She said that the other day she had tried to put her wig on and her make up to try and make herself feel better, but as she still had quite a lot of her hair she felt like Marge Simpson with this huge pile of hair!

We do try and find something to laugh at every day and yesterday was just a simple answering machine message that sent us reeling with laughter.

Mum has never been one for telephone conversations, the answering machine had picked up a conversation between her and my brother, He only phoned to see if she wanted anything picking up from the shops, after an awkward conversation, she had ended the conversation as usual, without saying, bye, see you in a bit, nothing. Just put the phone down.

After a slight pause of deadly silence you can hear my brother say 'Hello?'

When I heard it I laughed so hard I weed a little, and I'm still giggling now at the thought of it.

I might even try and put the conversation onto tape of some description to save. It was just fantastic. And really sums a telephone conversation with mum up.