Why Blog?

Well, I have been invited onto the radio, to talk about why I started this blog etc
Got me thinking, why did I?

I suppose at first it was a combination of things, when people ask you how you are and how everyone is coping and of course how mum is. you start getting confused as to where you were up to with the stoy, plus relaying the same thing over and over agin becomes a bit tedious (im not trivallising it by any means) So I thought that if all information was in one place then people can just log in and find out whats going on.

Also talking to a friend last week, they also raised another good point, from my friends point of view, if they constantly text and ask, it becomes weary, but then if they dont text, it looks like they dont care, its hard to know the right balance.

Then I realised that I was getting a bit frustrated at my feelings, I may have appeared a bit unresponsive to the news about mum, maybe we had waited so long for the definate diagnosis I thought 'right there it is, THE news, right then lets get on with it'

I was slightly envious at my sisters ability to be so emotional about it all. I thought there was something wrong with me 'Why wasnt I an emotional mess? She's my mum too'

Then with all this comes guilt. Because I didnt shed any tears (and I havn't, not really, a few eye watery moments but not broke down completely)

I was using my writing as an emotional release, seeing it written down and talking about my own thoughts on things does actually help.

So then that got me thinking.............. I did a bit of research and in the UK alone nearly forty thousand people are diagnosed with lung cancer each year. 20-25% are small cell lung cancer (the same as mum)

If you have trouble visualising 40,000 people let me help you. At maximum capacity the men arena in Manchester holds 23, 000.

So take all them people, their friends, families, colleagues, etc and try to imagine all those people.

So laws of averages tell me that what I was feeling wasn't unique.

I only wanted the blog to be brutally honest, whether it be to share our laughter in our funny moments, or cry with us when we are painfully low.

It certainly is a rollercoaster of emotions. Like the corkscrew, one minute your upside down, up, down, and you can almost feel the ratchets letting you go at the top of the hill at times

Mum today, is going for her blood test, prior to chemo tomorrow. Of course if she shows signs of any infection she wont be able to have the chemo.

So this is the second cycle, Im really hoping that this time wont be as bad.