I haven't written for a few days because I have been so poorly. First with a cold, then my son had an upset tummy which I have now got.
As a consequence I havn't seen Mum because Im frightened of making her ill. Now doesnt that sound stupid? Especially when you hear the outcome of the meeting with the oncologist.
My sister took Mum for the meeting and the long and short of it is........there's nothing else they can do.
The cancer on her adrenal gland hasnt changed in size, the one in her lymph nodes has grown and the main one in her lung has grown back bigger than it was originally, before all the treatment.
They have started her off on low dose morphene and said that it could just be a 'few short months'.
I dont know how I feel right now. At first I thought that all that she had gone through was for nothing, but I know that without all the chemo she wouldn't have lasted this long. So it hasn't been for nothing. Has it?
The other week I saw mum and she was really upset saying what is the point in delaying the inevitable.
I phoned mum to see how she was last night. I wasnt sure what to expect. But what I found, suprised me. She wasn't solemn or upset and strangly upbeat and chirpy, she was more bothered about the financial side of things and funeral expenses.
She even made a joke about buying a smaller turkey.
I believe this to be called 'gallows humour'.
There no question then is there? This WILL be our last Christmas together.................bugger.
hi jean, i understand how and what ur going through,ihad this with my father-in-law..his went unnoticed as they were treating him with kidney stones,and put his jaundince down to a sun tan...by the time they relised he was stage 4b,and to late for chemo,he even went to christies to drain fluid off his stomach but that just shortened his life.i went and asked a straight forward question as they arent quick in comin forwaard to spare u the pain and they gave me 6months - 12 months and if the cancer doesnt k ill him the jaundice would,it would explode in his brain,its a horrid time,i had to b stronge for everyone and its the most horrendous feelin bein on your own in that room.my father in law was very chirpy,crackin jokes carryin on as if he hadnt got a care in the world...he last six weeks he gone from a big strappin bloke to this frail skelton and even let me shave his beard.i knew it had got to him as he was one of these where only a male barber was allowed to touch him lol, he went just before his 60th birthday....stay strong xxx
ReplyDeleteHi I have just read your blog for the first time. It really, really moved me, My mother's situation almost mirrors your Mums in, diagnosis, treatment and the effects on her.
ReplyDeleteI actually cried with laughter at the reference to the 'tan wipes' and your concerns that she was jaundice. We too have had so many laughs and funny moments together as well as touching close moments too. I am having conversations now with my Mum that I never ever thought I would have. You are on such an emotional roller coaster and time becomes the most important thing.
I have no problem understanding what you are going through, such a lot of pain and worry about what to expect next.. I think your blog is a very good thing, I was suprised at how much it gave me comfort, and reassurance that I am not the only daughter trying to enjoy the last weeks, months with her Mum. I hope you continue to have positive and good moments with your Mum and have a really special Christmas. Linda xx