Pulling

The GP has started Mum on some steroids to try and increase her appetite.
Also she has a bit of thrush in her mouth which maybe why everything is tasting funny.

She started taking the steroids Wednesday and so far she is eating a lot more than she has been doing. Even though they are still minute amounts like 4 chips, half a jelly and a couple of pieces of pineapple it is still a great deal more than Sunday and Monday.

My sister has been staying there all the time now as Mum needs 24 hour care.

Even little things like getting off the settee she cant seem to manage.

Mum has requested a bed to be put in the living room so one has been organised from the district nurses.

Im hoping that they will let us know when this is going to happen as I would like to be able to give the front room a thorough clean before we get a hospital style bed in there too!

We have been keeping records of what mum is eating drinking and doses and times of her medication all on the sheet that I designed.

Today was a weird day............. Last night we had a brief discussion on the phone about mums funeral arrangements. So we decided that today we need to sit down and maybe talk about some things. There is a lot to think about really.

Mum had been to a funeral at the church I go to not long after her chemo started and a couple of readings she thought would have been appropriate. She wanted to read them again so I spoke to my friend who will be conducting the service and she came over.

Mum has decided on what she would like to be laid out in when the time comes and we are talking about other arrangements too.

I guess to some it may seem strange to discuss this in such detail but dont you think that is a privelige to be able to orchestrate your own funeral? Of course it is upsetting but its better than a bunch of people deciding and guessing what you would have wanted.

I hate that turn of phrase when someone dies ' its what they would have wanted'

If I have ever used that to any of my friends, then I am publically apologising right now!

It has also thrown up questions about our beliefs as a family and also mums beliefs.

Tuesday when the Macmillan nurse came, we talked about our feelings and Mum and my sister were crying, i was shedding a few tears myself although stiffled.
I was suprised that my sister said it was the first time she had seen me cry and made a joke that she had 'finally broken me'

Funnily enough the last words from my last blog (written on Tuesday morning) were pleading with my sister to enjoy what time we have left with her. If I didnt know any better I would have said the Macmillan nurse had been reading the blog herself. She almost quoted me word for word when she spoke to my sister.

I am worried about her more than anyone really, she is maybe being over attentive, even mum is worried about her too. The fact that she appears to be running herself ragged trying to do everything.
When I have spoken to mum about this I think maybe its just her way of dealing with it.

I feel a bit useless this week really, as I am very limited as to what services I can actually provide with small child in tow and having to stop for meals, naps and nappies, and trying to keep him entertained.

On the positive side though, having him there makes light of certain situations.

I cant believe at two and a half he was flirting the Macmillan nurse saying ' Cheers Darling' to her.
She asked him if he would like to see her again ' Morrow' was the answer
She asked what time - 'past eight' he said
Where are we going she asked - 'Post office' he said!

So there you go, my son pulled a nurse and he isnt even out of nappies! :)