Unpredictable

Mums illness is just so unpredicatble.

One day she seems perky and laughing the next day she could be really bad and spaced out.

Today the bed should be getting delivered so this morning we are moving one of the sofas out of the front room ready.

She doest really move off the sofa anymore.

The gp came yesterday and as the pain in her chest is getting worse they have started her on slow release morphine pills, that should release enough morphine throughout the day. Today she will start these pills so we'll just have to see how she gets on with them. We can still give some of the oral morphine if need be.

They have also given her a prescription for the nutritional complan type drinks.

She is eating tiny amounts now but still not enough.

The charts I made for when we administer the drugs I have slightly adapted and we now write down everything that mum has, food, fluid, drugs so when health professional come they can actually see what she is having. Looks like this is one of the better ideas I have had!

Monday we got together and discussed the funeral arrangements, and we have made some firm decisions as to what she wants to happen.

We did manage to laugh throughout all this. I found some readings that i had book marked
and I sat at the side of her, turned to a page, let her read it, if she cried it was a possible! no tears - it aint going in! Im certain now that it will a beautiful funeral and exactly how she wants it.

We have decided to have Christmas at her house. She doesnt know it yet though! I cant see her wanting or even having the energy to come to either mine or my sisters house.

Mum said last night that all the chemo had been a waste of time - I tried to explain it hasn't been though has it? She would have died before now if she hadnt gone through the treatment. So of course its been worth it to buy enough time for us to have a few more months. Not a lot of people have the chance to bargain for time like that do they?

Last night when speaking with my boyfriend and I was expressing my concerns about my sisters health, he said that maybe she was dealing it by letting it all ou and crying whereas I appear to be taking it all in my stride. My reply was a simple one - 'Its just the natural order of things'

I am trying to write something for Mum so there are times when I go quiet at home because my mind is ticking over of what I want to write.